Two weeks into the new year and I am feeling refreshed, energized and above all – BRAND NEW. I know, i know. It’s too early to tell but something in my bones just tells me that this is MY YEAR. I have great big things planned beyond 2018, so in order for me to get there – I really need to start a strong foundation, and it starts here.
Okay, so this post is officially three-months overdue. But hey, better late then never right?
Alright you all, our son turned ONE end of June and we can’t believe just how big he has gotten! It’s true when people say that time flies when you’re having fun and having a baby is exactly that!
This is a post that I started writing 3 months ago but never published because…life happens.
If you knew me, and if you have been following me from my late teenage years, you’d probably recollect a memory of me telling you how much of a hopeless romantic I am. I love watching romantic comedies, I love watching dating and reality shows (of people in love), I love going to weddings, I love hearing about the nice things couples in love do for each other, I love hearing the beginning of a brand new relationship, I love learning about how some people get over a bump in their relationship and falling in love all over again, I love hearing how couples meet and how he pops the question – I am what you would call, a love groupie. I am that chick who cries at every wedding (even sans alcohol), and I am that chick that would re-watch The Holiday for the millionth time because, love just gives me the feels.
Alright you all, I am going to get real candid here and talk about my deepest, darkest feelings because I need an outlet. I might regret writing this post but this can get added on to my list of regrets that seems to overflow as the years go by.
I have been and am experiencing a lot of “self-hate” lately. Not like I am suicidal or depressed, I just feel like I am starting to feel mentally exhausted from being ME. Sounds complicated much? Well, yes because it is.
This is my first entry for 2017 and I thought, what better way to start the year by reflecting on the past year and planning for the year ahead. As I am sitting here on my kitchen island, I look around me and I see so many blessings. First of all, my playful and happy baby boy, Alden, sitting down in his Bumbo seat, sucking and reaching out for his toys while watching Daniel the Tiger on the television.
I can’t believe that this year went by in a whim! So many new and great things went by and I cannot be thankful enough for not just the love & laughter, but also for the tears as they have made me stronger in this pursuit to life. I’m really glad to share my life with a wonderful & loving partner, and now with our beautiful son- It seems like life cannot get any better than this and I hope we continue to flourish to the end of time.
I feel like I’ve been slacking these past few weeks. My house is not nearly as spotless as it usually is and to top it off, my hair is falling in chunks! Welcome to the glamorous postpartum life. I also feel like I am not doing this mom thing as great as other mothers are […]
My weekdays are usually very busy and I find myself often tired from the hustle bustle, but I think I’ve gotten it down to the most optimal schedule as possible. I don’t know how I do it sometimes and it may seem like not a lot but if you knew the old me, I was never a structured person, so this is far-fetched for a type-b personality like me.
I live with a pretty OCD person too, (Sorry R but you are) and on top of all that craziness, I have to make sure I don’t leave my trail around, which I do because… I just do. LOL I have to admit though that even though I wake up early everyday (5 AM wake up calls), I still don’t get to make my bed in the mornings because soon as I am ready to leave the house, Alden is awake and he wants to be nursed or held because he is cranky from being woken up – so I try to not wake him up. This morning he was a champ though. I nursed him as soon as I woke up and he fell right back to sleep which gives me time to get ready in the bathroom in peace. Soon as I went back to our room, his eyes were wide open just looking around in the darkness. My sweet baby. Anyways, I hope to one day get on the make-bed-every-morning wagon but I am not quite there yet.
I try to do as much as I can on Sunday before the week starts. For instance, I try to pack extra clothes, socks & blankets in his diaper bag so I don’t have to do it every night. I still look through the bag to pull his dirty clothes out and to make sure we aren’t out of wipes and my mom is good at telling me what we’re out of, so I can take note of it and replenish for the next few days. I am so, so, so thankful that my mom is helping me out with Alden and she too is very committed to making this work for me. God bless her beautiful soul. On Sundays too, I try to get all our laundry done and stored away, and I iron all our work clothes for the week ahead.
Every day, I get up around 5:15 AM and I leave the house by 6:15 AM to avoid traffic and I meet my mom at a Starbucks halfway from the both of us. Normally we meet around 6:45 AM, sometimes 7 AM, and we do the switcheroo. She takes Alden and heads back to her house and I head to work. While I’m at work, I pump every 3 hours and I stress about getting enough milk for Alden the next day. The past few days I’ve noticed my supply in the right boob decreasing and it’s worrying the heck out of me! So, when I get home these days, I will let Alden nurse from that side more than my left.
After I leave work, I head back up to a gym in the same area I meet my mom for morning pick-ups, and I try to squeeze in at least a 35 – 45 minute workout. By the time I am done working out, my mom is already there waiting to pass Alden back to me. Soon as I get home, I tend to Alden – Whatever he needs me to do. Sometimes I can sense him missing me so much so he likes to be held and nursed, which I don’t mind at all because I miss him when he’s not around!! But as soon as I am done, I put him down and I start cooking or prepping us dinner. Last night, I didn’t eat because I was too tired and just went to bed at 9 PM. While I make dinner, I am also cleaning up my lunch from earlier in the day and packing for tomorrow. I try to clean as much as I can because by the time I am done cooking, Alden is fussing because it’s been about an hour of him sitting there by himself and he wants to be picked up again. I don’t babywear him in the kitchen for safety reasons but at times I do when he is just not having it.
After dinner, we both head upstairs and I turn the water on to start giving Alden a bath. He LOVES bath time, so I try to give him a bath every day. Once he is done, if he is still full, he will be okay in the car seat for about 20 minutes until he wants to be nursed again– So there he goes in it and both we go to my bathroom so I can take a shower. He watches me shower and I watch him while I shower J Normally after showering, I will empty and replenish my gym bag for the next day. If Ryan is at home, I will pass Alden to him so I can finish cleaning up in the kitchen where I wash and sterilize my pump parts and clean the stove or whatever. By this time, it is 10 PM, and I am now rushing back upstairs so we can both call it a day to do it all over again the next day!
Those daily night cuddles with Alden is the BEST feeling in the world. We are both exhausted and we don’t get that much time with each other at all but when we go to sleep, we wake up together and that is enough to make me happy. I feel so bad for not being able to play with him as much during weekdays and sometimes I wonder if he will love me even if I don’t play with him. I hope he does. I know that he is my motivation to getting things right because everything is manageable. In no time, everything will be second nature to us.
When do I get time to myself or time to blog? – I blog in the mornings while waiting for my mom in the car on my phone or on my laptop at Starbucks. I make a breakfast casserole on weekends or make eggs and bacon and Tupperware it so I can eat it in the parking lot – Sometimes I just get a croissant from the store because.. it’s convenient. At times, I blog on my lunch but I haven’t done that as much because I work through lunch most days. The time at the gym is nice to have for me and thanks to my mom for allowing me to do that every day and also before I go to bed, after my shower and nursing Alden, I get up to paint my nails and read a book. I try to sleep at 10:30 but 11:30 is the latest for me.
Alden doesn’t sleep through the night yet, so he wakes me up to be nursed at least twice during the night. Thank god for co-sleeping, I can still get my sleep but I want to train him to sleep in his crib/bassinet soon, but I am actually very reluctant about it. I miss him so much in the day that I want to sleep with him next to me. I love my baby more than anything in the world. One day he won’t want to sleep with me again and I will miss kissing the fuzz on his head to sleep every night.
We all know that Labor Day weekend in the US is technically the last weekend in the summer before fall season begins. In Georgia however, it still feels like summer for at least a few more weeks even after Labor Day weekend, so with that, I still get to take advantage of it as much as I can seeing that I didn’t get to spend a lot of time outdoors with being pregnant and then giving birth at the start of the season. My mom actually commented me on how pale I am now compared to the usual tanned version of me; I love staying out and laying out basking in the sun for hours. She loves that I am not tanned because she is against tanning but I love it, contrary to her liking.
Over the last couple of weekends I have been spending some time outdoors. I managed to go to the pool once, and even though I went at a later time during the day (6 or 7 PM) where the sun wasn’t as bright as it usually is, I did get to lay out in it for a little bit. I was happy. Actually, speaking of the pool, I did have another pool day with my friends a few weekends ago too and we stayed out for hours, come to think of it, so that was fun! I’ve started going back to the gym also and even though my tummy is still flabby from being stretched out, I still wear my two-piece nonetheless. Haha. Who cares, right? I hope to transform my body back to it’s previous shape or even better. I am not doing kickboxing anymore just because I can’t find the time to go to the classes in my packed schedule, so the gym it is until things change.
Last weekend, the fam and I went to the park together for our friend’s son’s 1st birthday. Yes, this is the first birthday party Alden attended and he had such a fun time! Just kidding. He slept the entire time..maybe woke up for a full 10 minutes for pictures and then back to sleep. I was very happy I got to spend time with my sister. She’s been so busy and I have too, and in all honesty, I do miss her a lot. Last few nights, I went through our old pictures and videos together and I am glad that we have had the chance to really bond and be there for each other that way. I may not be perfect and she too, but we love each other very much and are extremely protective of one another.
So, I realize there isn’t a structure to this post but I wanted to write to tell you how I love summer and really just as an excuse to share these cute pics! I can’t wait for this weekend. It’s my mom’s birthday and we are celebrating her for sure – And another reason for celebrating too but will let you know in a separate post..