When I was pregnant, I read a bunch of pregnancy books just to familiarize myself with this whole new world I’m about to be a part of and I came across a few stories that discuss motherhood and existing friendships. Almost all of them explained how everything is going to change; from existing friendships to new ones. I was blessed in my pregnancy to get the support from my close friends when I first told them the news, except for one. However, I am a firm believer that each individual has the right to their own opinion and it was up to me to take it or leave it, and I usually leave it.
Through the nine months of expecting, I realize that I may or may not have been as social as I was once previously, because of the pregnancy itself, and because I became a homebody. It was really hard for me to explain this to anyone, and I didn’t want to come off as a complainer. I am not going to lie, but going out is never the same as it once was.
I remember having a conversation with this former friend of mine, via text, when I was vacationing in NYC last year during Thanksgiving, and she said some really degrading things about my choice of becoming a mother. She mentioned that mothers are viewed less in the corporate world and it would inhibit me from achieving my dreams. She said that being a mother, will limit me from tapping into my maximum paying potential. I took a great offense in what she said because none of those are true and I know for me, that being a mother will never change that. In fact, it has given me more motivation to be on the right & fast track in both my personal and professional life. I have never learned to be more effective and productive at work as I am today, and that is all attributed to my new lifestyle. Sure, I can’t do things on a whim like I used to anymore, but that’s okay. I am in no rush and I have done literally everything I wanted to do, ever, in life. This time is the best time.
That friend and I don’t talk anymore and yes, it is very sad. It’s sad to see a friendship lost in between cracks that never even existed but it’s for the better. Do I miss her? Not necessarily so. I just feel that it could’ve ended on a more positive note.
On a completely unrelated but similar story to the one I just told you above, is about another friendship that I have lost and it’s quite puzzling to me because I don’t know what happened. I think I do, but I really don’t. I guess our friendship wasn’t really that big of a deal to her as much as it was for me and I feel like a fool for saying this but I really viewed her as a friend that I respected and loved, and most importantly, I treasured our friendship. We went through some rough times in our own personal lives and through it all, we were always there for each other, day in day out. The time came around when I became pregnant, to the day I gave birth, I have yet to receive a congratulatory note from her, or a simple “like” on my Instagram post. But, Nada! Zilch! I am heartbroken but I have decided to let go.This is not the friendship God wants for me or for us. It’s not meant to be.
I realize that now my definition of friendship has changed and the friends I have are really my fiance, my baby, my mom & sister, and a few good friends. I am okay with that because I want to surround myself among people whom I love. So, I am now moving forward and I will not look back because there’s more to look forward to. And, to all other mamas who are in a somewhat similar place, sometimes it is okay to lose friendships when you take this great big step for yourself and for your family. Just know that everything will be as great and as wonderful as it’ll ever be.
Ramblings of a PMSy mama.