Why I Started

Hi Loves,

I have been putting a lot of thought into my blog these days as I find the inspiration to improve my writing and put out compelling content that you will enjoy. Believe it or not, as much as I love posting here, I love reading it even more and I am my own worst critique. I know that there are so many bloggers out there who puts out content more often than I do, but the standards of writing is not what I would call inspiring, not at least to me. Therefore, I challenge myself to write better and better each day, even when I don’t use elaborate or fancy words – but write purposeful structured sentences each time.

I started out blogging because I, you guessed it right, LOVE writing! With that love, comes the love for journaling and ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary and year by year my diary collection grew until something like Blogger and Xanga came up and started the age of online blogging.

I cringe when I read some of my really old posts because I was such a hormonal teenager and because sometimes I remember very vividly the state I am in when I’m writing something out – usually when I am heartbroken or sad – I find much therapy in writing!  I still have my old blog that is now locked because it is now a mere memory to me. I opened it up again and I read through all of my posts and I can’t help but think – Man, was I descriptive or what? I enjoyed reading them and I realize that my life now is quite a departure from my struggling college days. They were no fun but I was so sincere & humble. That girl who worked at ABC & Cassis Bakery & Jimmy Johns & Ichiban.. How things have changed.

Here’s one of my most favorite writing that I posted about 4 years ago right before I decided to close the blog and start fresh..

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Zoe

As Zoe stands at the end of the bar at an exclusive, Japanese restaurant in an affluent suburb neighborhood she happens to call home, she is drowned deep in thought. By day, she works in a huge corporation, rubbing shoulders with some of the most important businessmen in America; By night, she serves them in this restaurant. Although at times she feels little and petty, and most of the time jaded, she does this because she has to.

Her daily routine looks something like this:

Wakes up at 7am and jumps straight into the shower. Leave the house at 8 am to try to get into the office by 8:30 am.

Works in the office as a not-so- important person but getting a lot of responsibilities and being promised different things, of which none has materialized, yet.

Leaves work at about 5.30 pm and then slips into her uniform to try to clock in at the restaurant by 6pm.

Serves pretentious, phony customers hoping to make a small fortune from the tips they leave until 10.30pm

Back home.

Zoe’s schedule stays pretty much the same throughout the week, except that she only works three weeknights in the week and Saturdays. Her Sundays are spent with her mom and occasionally, she joins her friends at their usual Starbucks meet-ups.

She’s content with life everyday she lives it. She’s sure of it. But these past couple of weeks, she feels overworked and she doesn’t want to be a slave to her own life. She wants to be able to live life responsibly. This isn’t a difficult thing to achieve, it just needs a lot of sacrifice and letting go of some things unimportant. Where’s unimportant? That question remains unanswered. Until..

One Friday night, as she finishes smoking her cigarette and throws the butt into a plastic container half-filled with water and trash, she walks back in the kitchen, washes her hands, bites into a lemon wedge and walks out to that same spot she stood earlier in the day; at the end of the bar.

She observes everyone around her. That couple frolicking in each other’s arms at the hibachi table, drinking hot sake and red wine with their filet mignon & lobster hibachi served with fried rice, they look happy as the girl stares straight into the guy’s eyes, and says, “Thank you”. He gives her a squeeze on her knees, and drinks the last of the hot sake from the ceramic cup, and Zoe walks up to them and offers to clear their plates. How she longs to be that woman, who gets treated to a nice dinner, enjoying company from a handsome young man, but she knows that the time has not arrived for her yet.

Zoe returns home that night after she has tipped-out and finished her closing side-job, she spends the next hour or two catching up with her mom while she updates her about the day she’s had. How she loves her mom and she wishes that mom doesn’t have to work but stay at home and just surf Facebook all day. Just the thought makes her heart smile. “One day mom, I promise”.

She turns her Macbook on, and starts surfing the net. She read all her Twitter mentions and she sees a mention from a dear friend. A suggestion to read an article he wrote for an online portal for independent, freelance writers. She thinks to herself, maybe she can try to contribute something to the site, after all she enjoys expressing herself in words in her personal blog. “Maybe not..”

A couple of hours later, she finds herself reeling from the idea of writing all over again. “Ah.. for Fuck’s sake.” The theme for the next issue is “Purpose” and she sits on her couch drinking a cup of Vanilla latte and listening to Phoenix radio on Pandora.com. The words would not come. She decides to write a story about a girl who thinks she is troubled because she is overworked and depressed and is in a need of a revelation. All of a sudden, words just started streaming and just when its about to end, she managed to draw a conclusion.

Zoe is by all means, herself. She was writing her story and as she finishes up the last two paragraphs, she realized that Zoe does not have such a bad of a life. Sure she works about 60 hours a week, despite having graduated university with good grades and scoring a job even before graduating, she lives in a beautiful home and she drives a brand-new car. Yes, she doesn’t get to go out on Friday nights at a decent time to have dinner with the family or just for a night out with friends, but she still hangs out with her coworkers from her second job for a round of karoke or some late night Korean BBQ. Yes, she doesn’t get to go to all happy-hours with coworkers or dinner with mom on weeknights, but she gets to do it twice a week.

Zoe works hard, and just like anybody else, she does this for a purpose. The purpose differs from person to person, but it all has one common theme, one common logic. Therefore, Zoe will work harder, be sincere about it, have a good attitude, and laugh and smile along the way. For all she knows, she’s gotten this far, why let one silly thought ruin her life. For we all know that we’re here for one reason, and the purpose of that reason is.. for us to live better than we did yesterday.

Throwback photo for you.
Xoxo,

Yours Truly

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